2x18=4am

Right, conundrum on Saturday. Two 18th birthday parties to go to. This explains the title, if I'd named it 18x2, people would wonder why I know these two year olds and why I'm invited to their parties.

Well, they'd wonder if anyone was actually reading this. Which they aren't.

Anywhatever, I decided to go to yno, the better one. Had a blast, drank some strange blue liquid, pretended I could dance like something other than an epileptic watching "Strobe: The Musical", involved in a strange quiz called "Who looks good tonite?" and saw satanic worship of a hat. An evening worthy of mentioning to grandchildren.

Couple of problems:
Un: Some girl seems unsatisfied with her boyfriend's penis and lets in two boys hanging around outside, hoping to get some I assume. They come in a take a camera. A £500 camera. And my last can cider. It's all kicked off now, bitch.

I went looking for violence from friends to sober me up, didn't get any, so tried dealing with it while smashed as an egg with omelette in its future. Slammed a door in a face and that's it. I take my minor victories when I get them, seems only fair. The girl realises she amde a mistake and will do it again next time. I'll be ready with my +1 who is willing to hit me. A friend in need is a friend indeed, a friend who hits is better.

Dois: The one who is most hammered has least chance of getting nailed. Ouch. True. I never learn. And ugly to boot. You'd think I'd like to tip odds in my favour. Nah, forget that.

Blue liquid for me.

Hope it isn't anti-freeze.

Eventually, I end up un-laid with friends (I hope) trying to catch a helicopter back (or soemthign liek that). Can't find one. Found a pizza place near a farm. Went there. Had a good Meat Feast, but the Coca-Cola was flat, just like the woman serving us.

0.5 forks out of 3 1/2

Figure it out.

Where's the second party you say? I've just gotten to mentioning that. Didn't go, heard it was drier than the Sahara's cousin (who is boring as fuck). However, the people who have never seen a party in their lives guilt me and say it was best ever. No, it wasn't. Go away. Your pale impersonation of alcohol doesn't impress me. FUCK OFF. And the unsatisfied girl went there too. What if she let people into the house?

Ain't going to my party. No way.